My oldest, a son, like me suffers from comparison syndrome. You know you probably have it too, the disease we suffer whereby we compare our looks, our checkbook balances, our talents, our children’s achievements to those around us – and social media makes it oh so easy. So easy for the “I suck and they have it all together” to seep in. So during and after lunch today I gave him this pep-talk of how comparison is the thief of joy. Of how he shouldn’t be comparing himself to anyone but himself. How wonderful he is. How he needs to not listen to that little loud voice in his head that tells him otherwise.
But I’m a liar. Or maybe worse a hypocrite. Comparison isn’t the thief of joy, life is. Or at least the choices that you make in your life is. Or at least… For me it is. My doctor recently told me the neuron pathways that get exercise the most are the ones that are the strongest. Mine are the negative self talk, the “I wish”, the “should have, could have, would have”, the self pity.
If you asked me to name 10 things I like about myself I would struggle, and probably just name the things I think you expect me to say. How I really and truly feel about myself would probably make you shake your head in disappointment (see even in my own head in my own imaginary senarios I’m a disappointment to everyone).
The one good thing I can say about myself today is that I am intelligent enough to know the right things to say to my son… it’s too bad I can’t model it for him though- because “do as I say not as I do” has very little power in this world. And even knowing this, even the insight and intelligence I have isn’t enough. Nothing is ever enough. I.WILL.NEVER.BE.ENOUGH.