I used to be

I used to be a good mom.  I used to be a good cook.  I used to be a good friend. I used to be a good wife. I used to be a good sister. I used to be in shape. I used to care about how I looked. I used to be a good Christian.

Depression, anxiety, OCD and PTSD stole all that.

Now I spend hours napping, instead of crafting or playing Go Fish.  I spend time playing solitaire instead of reading to my kids. I let my kids watch too much tv and use the devices too much.

I used to cook elaborate meals, everyday.  I used to bake for my family.  I took pride in my God-given talent for culinary arts.  I used to love people with food.  Now I excel at grilled cheese, cereal, toaster waffles or hubby cooking.

I used to talk to my friends daily and want to spend time going out and doing things with them. Instead of dodging invitations, avoiding eye contact and just plain avoiding messaging or contacting them on Facebook.

I used to talk to my siblings about their lives, now, if I talk to them it’s all about me all the time- what’s wrong with me, why my life sucks, why I feel like crap- me me me.

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

1 thought on “I used to be”

  1. You are STILL so many of these things but depression is disgusting in that it convinces us we are failures. Just know, if you could see yourself from the outside you would not believe all of this, which doesn’t make you mad it makes you suffering from depression – but you are NOT a failure.

    Liked by 2 people

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