I just don’t know if I have it in me to face another day. Im sore from moving furniture, the “itch” to hurt myself is still there and I have some chores that absolutely have to do today. I want to do nothing but crawl back into bedwhere my husband still is at 10:05am. But I have adulting to do. Children who need me. Bills that had to be paid. I’m so tired of being a grown up. I am tired of making sure everyone has what they need, when I am lacking some of the most basic things needed myself.
I know- I signed up for this gig. And I wouldn’t change my children or my husband for the world, but I want a little vacation from life. I want someone to take care of me. I want to not have to worry if my kids are getting their meds, if my husband is getting his work done so he can be on medical leave, if there’s enough food in the fridge. I am sick of coordinating schedules, of making and keeping appointments.
I want my “breakdown” to be a full and true breakdown. Where I just say “forget it all”, and just let someone else do what needs to be done. I want to throw myself into my bed cover my head and say forget today, and probably tomorrow and the next couple of weeks too.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I am sad, mad, and irritated all at the same time. I just want today to be over already and it’s only 10am. Lord help me.