My 3 Songs… and an epiphany I had on Friday….

Lately there are 3 songs that I have had on pretty much constant repeat. They are all Christian songs that speak so much to my situation right now.  The bold and italicized are all mine…. it’s the parts that get to me the most.

This first one is my prayer

Need You Now
Well, everybody’s got a story to tell
And everybody’s got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there’s beauty here
‘Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can’t let go, I can’t move on
I want to believe there’s meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this“?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise
How many times have you heard me cry out
God please take this?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?
How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now
Songwriters: Christina Wells / Luke Sheets / Tiffany Lee
Need You Now lyrics © DO Write Music LLC, Mike Curb Music
 The next one is
I Have This Hope
As I walk this great unknown
Questions come and questions go
Was there purpose for the pain?
Did I cry these tears in vain?
I don’t want to live in fear
I want to trust that You are near
Trust Your grace can be seen
In both triumph and tragedy
I have this hope
In the depth of my soul
In the flood or the fire
You’re with me and You won’t let go
But sometimes my faith feels thin
Like the night will never end
Will You catch every tear
Or will You just leave me here?
But I have this hope
In the depth of my soul
In the flood or the fire
You’re with me and You won’t let go
So, whatever happens I will not be afraid
Cause You are closer than this breath that I take
You calm the storm when I hear You call my name
I still believe that one day I’ll see Your face
And I have this hope
In the depth of my soul
In the flood or the fire
You’re with me
I have this hope
In the depth of my soul
In the flood or the fire
You’re with me and You won’t let go
In the flood or the fire
You’re with me and You won’t let go
And the 3rd one is my favorite right now, it encapsulates how much of how I feel. I almost want to highlight and italicize the entire song.  So much of it holds true for me right now.  I won’t bold or italicize anything because it’s all just so relevant.
Even If
They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
I’ve stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it’ll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can’t
It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
As for my epiphany- I was driving to co op, listening to these songs, and wondering why God wont take all this from me.  Why is He letter me suffer? Why won’t He just take me out of the situation like He has for so many others.  I was driving up to the top of a hill, near a Christmas tree farm, there is a beautiful overlook and the view was breathtaking. And I “heard” clear as day- not as a voice but just as something I suddenly knew- He is not going to take me out of this situation.  He is not going to take the pain away.  I have to relive every last bit of the pain, all the memories, deal with all my baggage, because if I don’t I will never be free from the past, it will always have power over me. I will never be whole.  I have to feel it all, cry every tear, and suffer through this for however long it takes.  But He is beside me this time,  and I need to remember that. I need to stop trying to run ahead. I need to go at His pace.
Maybe it all sounds corny to you, but I just honestly feel like I know that He’s not going to save me from this, I am going to have to get through this, survive and be free. I just hope He’s right and I am strong enough….
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Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

1 thought on “My 3 Songs… and an epiphany I had on Friday….”

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