I DON’T like plan changes. Anxiety and OCD both push the big red button. All the soldiers line up and a great big ole panic attack arrives. Tonight plans got changed. Plans I had been asking for firmness on for over a week. It appeared all was in place and anxiety and OCD were happily doing their job elsewhere.
And then BAM! Out of the blue not one but two plans were changed. I’m still shaking. My heart still racing. My arms bleeding because the keys removed the Scabs that were healing me. My inner arms burning with scratches. But still anxiety hangs on. Is making me shake. I’m debating an extra Valium dose, or a double dose of sleeping pill (I have permission for 50mg vs 25mg don’t worry about an OD here.)
What’s worse is the plans that were changed were my birthday plans. Every year for the last decade my birthday has sucked, people ruin it, animal passings ruin it, my children’s behavior ruin it. This year is on tap to be the worst of all. Spending it with someone who causes havoc on the best of days.
I give up. Seriously. My life gets worse by the day.