10am seems to be the witching hour

It seems to me that by 10am every day I’ve had enough.  I left the kitchen irritated by big one and his bad attitude.  And laid on the couch in my favorite spot. I’m ready for bed. I have been up about 2 hours. 

Little one has changed so much since starting Ritalin but big one needs a med adjustment.  I can just tell he’s so mean and grouchy all the time.  He’s abusive and so irritable which makes me trigger. 

I napped from 10-12.  My life has turned into sleeping all the time.  I suck at being a mom.  Thankfully big one is mostly independent on schoolwork.  

I feel like shit all the time. Today I had to go to an appointment about “get off the system crap” in other words go get a job- I have always been exempt from this because of big ones medical issues and that I need to be the one caring for him. And now I am going to have my psych dr fill out paperwork for me – there is no way I can get a job. I can barely leave the house and they want a full time job. And they are saying if you are a 2 parent household there are no exemptions.  So in other words of hubby is physically unable to get a job and I’m mentally unable too bad one of us has to. 

Looks like another fight with DHHS, this will not be our first and I would bet it won’t be our last. I am so sick of living like this.  

Today I am thinking bad thoughts. Thoughts about hurting myself, thoughts about doing more.  I won’t kill myself but I have to say the thought is awfully appealing today. I’m so sick of everything going wrong, there always being an issue or a problem.  

My dad went to the hospital last night his blood sugar was 27, they thought he was having a stroke.  Our life is is so sucky.  

I’m sick of it all. 

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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