It seems to me that by 10am every day I’ve had enough. I left the kitchen irritated by big one and his bad attitude. And laid on the couch in my favorite spot. I’m ready for bed. I have been up about 2 hours.
Little one has changed so much since starting Ritalin but big one needs a med adjustment. I can just tell he’s so mean and grouchy all the time. He’s abusive and so irritable which makes me trigger.
I napped from 10-12. My life has turned into sleeping all the time. I suck at being a mom. Thankfully big one is mostly independent on schoolwork.
I feel like shit all the time. Today I had to go to an appointment about “get off the system crap” in other words go get a job- I have always been exempt from this because of big ones medical issues and that I need to be the one caring for him. And now I am going to have my psych dr fill out paperwork for me – there is no way I can get a job. I can barely leave the house and they want a full time job. And they are saying if you are a 2 parent household there are no exemptions. So in other words of hubby is physically unable to get a job and I’m mentally unable too bad one of us has to.
Looks like another fight with DHHS, this will not be our first and I would bet it won’t be our last. I am so sick of living like this.
Today I am thinking bad thoughts. Thoughts about hurting myself, thoughts about doing more. I won’t kill myself but I have to say the thought is awfully appealing today. I’m so sick of everything going wrong, there always being an issue or a problem.
My dad went to the hospital last night his blood sugar was 27, they thought he was having a stroke. Our life is is so sucky.
I’m sick of it all.