I just want to sit and whine for a minute.  I am sick of feeling like crap all the time.  Between my hip- which I feel PT is making worse not better, and my emotions are all over the place- Im sad, Im mad, Im irritated, Im exhausted, I just want to be left alone in my room where no one will bother me.

The next week and a half are going to be insanely busy.  Like so busy I am completely overwhelmed just thinking about it.  I don’t know how I am going to make it through the next week.  I know that if I can just get to Sunday April 30th things will calm down, but I don’t know if I can get there without going crazy first.

And add to that the whole thing with DHHS wanting me to get a job 35 hours a week, when I have a disabled child to care for, and my mental health is unstable to say the least.  I can’t imagine being forced to leave the house for work. I can’t make it till 10am without a nap.

I am just ready to give up. It seems like nothing works out for us ever.  I am just so sick of  everything we touch turn to crap.  I feel like I am a crappy mom, Im depressed, sad, anxious, angry and when I am not all those things I am sleeping on the couch. Big on put a note on my chest that he was going for a bike ride and I didn’t even know it.

I have been eating like crap.  I am still on a Cocoa Pebbles kick and then eating a ton of junk.  I probably will be up on my weight when I have my next appointment. So that’ll be awesome.  I told hubby that if I ever get to the point where I am too fat to move I will just kill myself. He wasn’t impressed.

I don’t even know what I am saying at this point I feel like I am just babbling on and on about nothing. I am depressed I know that much. I am sad, I know that. I am tired of the life I am living, I know that much.  Nothing seems  to be good.  Doing PollyAnna’s assignment of 2 positive things everyday has been really hard, I have been using stupid things like I went to PT, or took a shower.  There really isn’t anything good about me right now.

I need to stop babbling and boring you all to death. I think I will just take a nap.

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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