I just want to sit and whine for a minute. I am sick of feeling like crap all the time. Between my hip- which I feel PT is making worse not better, and my emotions are all over the place- Im sad, Im mad, Im irritated, Im exhausted, I just want to be left alone in my room where no one will bother me.
The next week and a half are going to be insanely busy. Like so busy I am completely overwhelmed just thinking about it. I don’t know how I am going to make it through the next week. I know that if I can just get to Sunday April 30th things will calm down, but I don’t know if I can get there without going crazy first.
And add to that the whole thing with DHHS wanting me to get a job 35 hours a week, when I have a disabled child to care for, and my mental health is unstable to say the least. I can’t imagine being forced to leave the house for work. I can’t make it till 10am without a nap.
I am just ready to give up. It seems like nothing works out for us ever. I am just so sick of everything we touch turn to crap. I feel like I am a crappy mom, Im depressed, sad, anxious, angry and when I am not all those things I am sleeping on the couch. Big on put a note on my chest that he was going for a bike ride and I didn’t even know it.
I have been eating like crap. I am still on a Cocoa Pebbles kick and then eating a ton of junk. I probably will be up on my weight when I have my next appointment. So that’ll be awesome. I told hubby that if I ever get to the point where I am too fat to move I will just kill myself. He wasn’t impressed.
I don’t even know what I am saying at this point I feel like I am just babbling on and on about nothing. I am depressed I know that much. I am sad, I know that. I am tired of the life I am living, I know that much. Nothing seems to be good. Doing PollyAnna’s assignment of 2 positive things everyday has been really hard, I have been using stupid things like I went to PT, or took a shower. There really isn’t anything good about me right now.
I need to stop babbling and boring you all to death. I think I will just take a nap.