Intrusive Thoughts at 11pm

As I’m brushing my teeth I remember my physical therapist mentioning today “you shaved” meaning my legs.  

I don’t know why that thought popped into my head now, and why I was able to laugh it off at the time but now that it popped into my head I was completely mortified.  

Why does it bother me now but at the time it didn’t matter.  I don’t know- but now I can’t stop thinking about it. 

It’s weird how anxiety, depression and OCD works.  And of course I have PTSD surrounding body hair.

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and that causes unwanted body hair that can be especially troublesome for a preteen/teenager.  

There were several bullies in school who thrived on picking on my facial hair.  And my father had plenty to say about it too.  My husband says its unnoticeable- but I feel so self conscious about it I feel like everyone is staring at me.  It’s hard not to when you remember the anguish you felt during those formative years.  I lost so many tears to that one particular topic. (I was bullied for several reasons) but that was always the hardest.

I spend at least an hour a week on my cheeks, chin, and upper lip plucking each and every hair. Right now I need to pluck but it’s so much work, and takes so much motivation. And i just don’t have the gumption.  Going to have to before Friday when I have to co op…. 

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Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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