There was a knock on bedroom door just now (12:45)

So hubby and I were up a little later than usual tonight because I had to watch just one more episode of 13 Reasons Why, and then he wanted to watch the season finale of APB. So we were getting ready for bed, had brushed our teeth, and I was settling in to catch up on my blog reading because despite taking my pill an hour ago I’m still not sleepy… and even more so now.

It started with the top sheet being off the bottom of the bed, I can’t stand it if my top sheet isn’t tucked in, so I go to fix it but the blankets (we had 4 on) were too messed up so I had to strip the bed.  It was then hubby decided we should take a couple blankets off because warmer weather approaches.  Fine. So I take off the 2 fleece blankets and go to put them in our closet.  While I’m doing that there is a small knock on our bedroom door almost so small I thought whether it was a knock or one of the dogs, or my imagination.  With trepidation I said come on, and almost immediately panic rose in my throat and I said “who’s there”? 

A millisecond later little one says me.  She apparently woke up and wanted the hall light on. So I turned it on, problem solved- except my heart was still racing and I was still having an anxiety attack. 

I couldn’t imagine who would knock on my bedroom door at 12:45am and all I could think was a robber. I told hubby, who proceeded to laugh at me, for quite a while.  And reiterate how ridiculous it would be for a robber to knock on our bedroom door “hello, anyone home! I’d like to rob you.” 

But that’s what happens with anxiety and PTSD/OCD you think of the most ludicrous situation imaginable, convince yourself it’s plausible (all in a split second) and then proceed to obsess and freak out over it.  

It’s 20 mins later, I’ve taken a sleeping pill over 1.5 hours ago now.  My heart is still racing and I just woke hubby to ask him if he’s sure all the doors are locked.  Every time one of my 3 big dogs that sleep in my room moves and the heartwood floor makes a noise the fear floods in…  I really am CRAZY.

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Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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