I’m Amazed!

I saw med doctor and Pollyanna today.  The med doctor first, I gained a pound woohoo (insert sarcasm), while I was there, in my peripheral vision I thought I saw a cat run through her office, and she was like “how often is that happening”.  And I was like I don’t know every so often… apparently that’s hallucinations…. interesting.  So now I am seeing things. But she did tell me that she Anxiety causes more hallucinations than other types of mental illness. Awesome, so now I am hallucinating.

We talked about DHHS wanting me to work 35 hours a week, and she was like UM NO! So she filled out the paperwork saying that I am too crazy to work. She really wanted to treat me with Latuda, but she didn’t think that the insurance would pay without a fight, so she gave me a 28 day sample supply and wants me to go off the seroquel.  But when I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up hubby’s antidepressant, and sleeping pill, (yeah we are a healthy bunch *roll eyes*), they handed me my bottle of Latuda…. weird, the insurance company moved fast on this one, I am really surprised and pleased, because for once- the insurance company let the doctor choose the course of treatment.

Pollyanna was hard on me today, asking hard questions, and talking about hard stuff, like my “stuffing” of feelings, and coming up with examples of when I stuff emotions.  One of the biggest ones is death. When someone dies, I do not go to the funeral, and I don’t really cry.  They just cease to exist.  It’s like we just don’t go see them anymore.

We talked about how I do everything I can so that people won’t be upset, angry or disappointed with me.  How when they are I carry it with me for way too long. I am still upset about the fact that hubby was upset with me the other day….. and he’s totally over it, probably doesn’t even remember it.

My blood pressure today was so low, 94/75 but my pulse was 115. Way low for me, and the pulse is high for me, she seems to think I am dehydrated, since I have some light headedness and some headaches- and she’s probably right.  I haven’t been drinking enough at all…. I really need to do better with that. And it really needs to be water, not diet orange soda….

Hubby took down three of his business signs today.  That broke my heart, and little ones too, she cried 😦 Which made me even angrier at this so called “friend” of a landlord.

I guess that’s all for today, my anger subsided a little and turned to full fledged anxiety and sadness. Well and no tolerance for all the noises my kids are making they are SO LOUD!!!!

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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