It’s late… 

It’s late, I should be sleeping, I have to get up early for my chiropractor appointment and big ones worker is coming early. I took my Latuda over an hour ago and I still don’t feel sleepy.

I just feel so depressed tonight so sad I can’t stop thinking about my diet and how I eat crap all the time and while saying used to be crap goes in crap comes out and look at where I am now. I used to eat and only whole food diet I was thin in shape of course still not happy- but at least my clothes fit, I didn’t have issues with what to wear and I felt a little better about myself than I do now.  

Thinking- ok obsessing – over this all night has made me want to hurt myself.  I’m so gross to myself that I make myself sick.  I already am depressed and hate myself and this consistent weight gain is making it worse and worse.  I want to become a hermit- never leaving the house so no one has to see what I’ve become.  

I know it all sounds dramatic but it’s midnight, I can’t sleep, and I’m sad. Life is dramatic.

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Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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