Why all this focus on surgeries and stuff??

I’ve had some pushback from people in my personal life that don’t understand why I want to get my hip surgery- um… hip impingement/labels tears hurt for one and I have been dealing for 18 months with the pain and not to mention I want to walk, exercise get back into shape (if I can get out of my own head that is).  So then why rush into carpal tunnel surgery right after – I’ve been dealing with hand numbness, pain, tingling and declining strength for almost 14 years.  Just after Christmas when I could no longer knit or sew I suspected it was time, but when getting dressed, showering, driving and texting became a problem I said I’ve had enough.  

After that I will tackle a visit to the endocrinologist.  My fasting glucose is high, my thyroid is creeping up.  

Ok so certain people say why now?  I say why not now.  I’m almost 40.  My father is 57, laying in a bed in a rehab hospital alone, with one leg amputated, On dialysis 3x a week, practically blind, homeless if he were to get discharged because he recently lost his home, infected with c-diff and MRSA.  He can’t have visitors unless they suit up like a biohazard site. If he’s lucky he’ll se 59, but im doubting he sees 58. 

I want my life in order.  I want to try to not suffer his fate, and the fate of his father (who died at 69 from complications of diabetes) at 57 my children will be in their 20s that’s too early to lose a parent.  

And if I’m being 100% honest, I want to be nothing like the man that has abused me for 39 years- yes he still abuses me over the phone. I wish I was the kind of person who could say “bye Felicia” and mean it. 

But either way- my husband has physical limitations holding him back, I have mental and physical- I have to start somewhere.  

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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