I know. Sometimes I’m a whiny freak. Especially lately. But lately I’ve just gotten to the point that I’m sick of this. I don’t know how much more I can take.
I’m sick of being depressed. Sick of being sad/mad/angry/irritated/joyless. I’m tired of intrusive unwanted thoughts creeping into my head.
I’m tired of getting up to the same thing day after day not seeing any improvement.
I’m sick of my financial life being at the will and mercy of the state.
I’m sick of being anxious and all the symptoms that go along with that.
I’m sick of all my rules routines rituals and behaviors from my OCD.
I want it all to end. I want the pain, the sadness, the anger to be exchanged with happiness, joy and patience.
I want to be the person I’ve always wanted to be, but have never had the chance. Because long before “the breakdown”, I was wearing a mask, I was a facade, a shell. I don’t even know who I am. But someday I’d like to find out.
But will someday ever come?