Data: I Wish to Be Deactivated 

As I was bawling my eyes out during The Flash tonight I was thinking about how before we medicated my anxiety I didn’t really have any feelings, I didn’t get sad or cry at tv shows or movies, I didn’t cry or really even get sad when someone died. (And if I’m honest, I still don’t deal with death it’s like they just went away and I don’t see them anymore – like huh, haven’t seen grandma in a while- yes I’m totally messed up)… but now I get hysterical at tv shows, or I cry at dog tribute videos. 

 I was thinking as I was walking downstairs with the laundry that I felt like Data in the movie Generations when he asks Picard to deactivate him, he doesn’t want these emotions anymore. I found the video on YouTube and watched it – and yes I can 100% identify with him. I can picture Pollyanna telling me exactly what Picard told him. And unlike Data I’m not sure I possess Courage, I’m more the Cowardly Lion. 

I’ve outed myself, I’m a Star Trek nut.

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

One thought on “Data: I Wish to Be Deactivated ”

  1. So true, we can’t cherry pick just the good feels, unfortunately. I wrote about this recently too, it’s like now I am not so numbed out, life is throwing all the emotions at me at once. Leaning in, and exploring them is all I can do, acting like Tracy (Dora) the explorer trying to map these spots out for future reference…. sending you some good vibes xx T


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