Ups and downs, but mostly downs….

My morning started early, after a night of tossing and turning.  I had to be at the vet with one of our cats, but 8:15.  She has had some pretty rank breath and we have been concerned about it, me moreso than hubby- as usual- me anxious no way ;).  I also thought she looked smaller and thin.  Hubby said she's just small compared to the beasts we have (2 Maine Coon cats that tip the scale at 20lb each and 2 other pretty large cats).  But I was right.  She's older than the SPCA had told us, they are thinking 12-15 years. She's weak, old and frail.  She has 4 teeth that need to be removed.  In my head $250 was the limit.  As much as we love our animals, as much as they are a part of our lives we do draw the line at some point either $$ or procedure.  We have been burned so many times, doing surgery only for the animal to die a day or two later. The bill came to $406.xx.  I called hubby, and gave him our options.

  1.  Pay the $406.xx and hopefully she has a long life ahead of her.
  2.  Have her put down and the total bill would be $78
  3.  Bring her home with antibiotics a bill of $73 and then make the decision.

He chose option 3.  I would have chosen #2, but honestly I am not affected by death as I have said before. I know I sound cold and callous, but I just don't deal with death, it's more like they moved away.  So now it's up to hubby where we go from here.  The antibiotics buy him some time, but #1 or #2 need to happen soon.  And like I told him I will so whatever he wants.

After that I ran to Walmart to pick up a couple things on the list for my surgery, and a gift for a birthday party we are going tomorrow.  I want Little One to get to go- it's her friend after all, but I just don't feel like leaving the house.

Then I came home and I dropped everything off and headed off to get my hair cut.  If I hadn't been able to get in the morning it wouldn't have been good I would have probably done it myself.

I stopped at the pharmacy first to pick up my percocet and apparently I need to get prior authorization to get it filled… I sure hope it's ready before my surgery.

Today has been a manicy (is that a word) day.  So that tells me I am running on complete anxiety. I also attempted unsuccessfully to change some of my outward appearance to help improve my inside feelings- didn't help.

It started with a haircut

I told the stylist I needed something that was wash and wear ready.  Taking multiple showers a day, I am not into high maintenance hair, and to be honest my depression makes me not want to do anything anyway.

When I got home and looked at the pics I saw how much gray had grown back in, so I dyed my hair with the leftover dye from when I dyed it at my sisters in  February… has it really been that long?

After that I decided I had had enough with the caterpillar brows that were full of white Santa Claus hairs, so waxed them myself.  I don't think I did too bad a job either…

Finally, I had hubby paint my toenails, since I can't reach my left foot because of my hip he did it for me. He is THE BEST husband ever. It's been a year since I had painted toenails, and I was hoping maybe doing all this would make me feel less depressed, and more "pretty".

It didn't work to help my insides at all. I still feel exhausted, sad, and have no motivation.  But I am happier with my hair. It's not so frumpy and it looks more summery and cute!

How it looked before, though the color had faded and was dappled with gray as you can see above.

So I did all this in hopes of feeling better, I don't really and I am still dizzy and anxious, and I think it's time for a nap, but hey I look cuter than before right?

Well I think a nap is in order before dinner (cocoa pebbles).  I had to make a million phone calls today for surgery prep so I am spent. Until later….

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Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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