But it’s a sad night. It’s 1:23am. I took hydroxizine and a Percocet hours ago. I feel no sleepiness. I’m watching tv and catching up on the blogs I didn’t read while I was recovering and on Percocet regularly.
I feel sad, no particular reason- but is there ever really a reason with depression? I know my lack of being a good mom- typing on my phone lacks the strike through – Mom I want to be (is more accurate) but that’s not all. I don’t know why I just feel on the verge of tears.
I have been missing Big One – away at Leadership Camp hoping he’s doing well AND having fun.
They called today to schedule my first carpal tunnel surgery, could have done it this Tues but I have to be off the blasted crutches. They are killing my hands, and I’m tired of being dependent on others for everything. So July 13th it is.
I’m back to cocoa pebbles for every meal, though I’ve added Trader Joe’s fruit leather to my repertoire. I’ve been forgetting to eat, I’m not eating enough yet still gained 12lbs in 14 days. I’ll tell you that’s definitely a part of my sadness. Bigger than even when I gave birth. Yes, it appears I have a thyroid issue, but that’ll make losing weight even harder. I don’t know if I have it in me to put in the work. I don’t have any fight left in me…
I need to call Mary Poppins- too much sadness, too much anger, not enough sleep.
Until next time..