No Nap Day 1

It’s almost 5pm and I haven’t napped yet.  But I had back to back appointments today, first a follow up from my sprained ankle (which they referred me to physical therapy with – I’ll be giving there I swear).  Then I went to physical therapy for my hip.  She had me on the bike for 8 minutes and worked me hard, and no massage today 😦 BOO! HISS!

Then I came home and ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. Then did some fun stuff like balanced the checkbooks, paid some bills, figured out which bills I am going to consolidate, which I am going to pay off and which I am going to just keep carrying a balance on. Giving my brain something to do helps me not sleep, but I if I got off the computer, and sat in my recliner I would fall asleep in 2 seconds.

My son has done nothing but play on the computer all day, he’s only supposed to have 2 hours, but he won’t get off.  And I don’t have the energy to fight him. I just want to sleep.  It’s so hard, and unfair, to take away my naps. I know I sound like a big ole baby, but it just feels like it’s all I have.

Tomorrow may be different, I am thinking that I am staying in bed. It’s the day hubby leaves the shop.  There will be people here, helping him, I don’t think they will be coming in the house but I really don’t want to face anyone, I am depressed, I look like crap and honestly tomorrow is going to kill me. I am so upset about the business closing. But I have hashed this over before.

I hope we hear about hubby’s disability soon.  It will be nice to know that our finances are all set.  Though since my disability coming through things look a little brighter. Though we will never not be at the mercy of those in the government that decide our fates.

This is certainly not the way I thought my life would go.  I never thought at 39 I would be legally declared disabled, and collecting a check because of my mental health status.  I never thought I would HAVE a bad mental health status. But yet here we are.

I imagined I would be happy, I imagined hikes, beach trips, vacations. But instead it’s doctor appointments for all 4 of us, (we haven’t talked much about some new stuff popping up with Little One), depression, and hubby and I not having the motivation to do “fun stuff”.  This summer I am not going to be able to take the kids anywhere because of my hip. Hopefully, once this business with the shop is over he will be able to relax and enjoy his life a little, but I don’t know overtime we get comfortable we get upended on our butts.

And to top it off I have this very bad pain in my lower left side when I breath in, right above my hip.

Well off to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 if I can stay awake……

Until next time…

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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