** disclaimer this is not a post about suicide I’m not suicidal and I’m not thinking of running away well not today anyway 😉 **
I was just thinking about how I’ve pulled away from family and friends and not talk to some of them for a very long time and I wonder what would happen if I just disappeared with anybody really notice? I mean of course my mother and sister and brother and husband and children would notice, but what about my friends? People at church? Other than my family who would really care?
Another thing I’ve been wondering lately, is who really are my friends. I’m feeling very paranoid about that, who really likes me for me and who looks at me as a project they can fix or help or pity? Who looks at me as a friend that they are better then so it makes him feel better themselves?
I have really pulled away from Facebook and it seems like nobody’s noticed I’ve stopped chatting on messenger all the time and it seems like nobody noticed or nobody cared so did they ever really care or was I just bothering them?
And then it occurs to me that maybe I’m making all of that up in my head and none of it’s really true that I do have friends that love me and that lots of people would notice if I disappeared but I just don’t know the reality… what happened to reality why cant I tell the difference anymore?