He called…. 

My phone rang a little before 5pm, I was in the other room, but the sick feeling in my stomach told me it was Dad. I asked hubby who it was and he said the name of the hospital.  The sick feeling grew.  Since you never know which dad will be on the other end of the line. 

When I first got on the phone he sounded groggy,  I knew he had finally consented to haveing his finger amputated and said he was in pain. I asked if he was getting anything for it and immediately abusive dad kicked in. No longer was he groggy or anything.  He went on and on about his brother’s drug abuse, and his mom begging him never ever to take any drugs.  I gently explained there’s a difference between medical and recreational use but he wasn’t having it.  I brought up another topic and that too upset him.  I asked him what a safe topic was… he had no answer.  But he was continuing to yell at me.  

I said “dad, you don’t have to yell at me, I’m not your enemy”.  He replied “I don’t need to be scolded”.  I told him I wasn’t scolding him I was simply telling him that I didn’t need to be yelled at. 

I asked if he called my sister and he said no, she’s done with him and therefore he’s done with her (she meant she’s done bailing him out and enabling himself). He said she wants him in a full time nursing home etc, I asked what his objection was to that since he was having such a hard time living alone in the hotel. 

He got mad, said he wanted to have a pleasant conversation conversation not talk about the cesspool. He said “I’ll do something else before I go to one of those places”.  I feel he’s eluding to suicide but who knows. 

The nurse came in and he he yelled at her that he was on the phone.  I heard her say that he was an hour late for his meds.  I asked if he needed to go so he can take his meds. He said “what?”, I repeated myself and he said yes.  

I said “ok, bye I love you”.  Silence.  I said “I love you” again. Silence.  I hung up. 

I’m glad he called so that I know for sure my last words to him were “I love you”, even if his weren’t.  I’m not glad he called because he was so mean. 

At least if I never hear from again my last words were nice. It won’t be on my conscious. 

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s