Today was a day I had been dreading for almost a week, processing the text from the family member, and how I should handle it. It was a tough discussion. She wouldn’t spoon feed me the answers, heck she wouldn’t even tell me what to do. But she made me flesh it out on my own.
It was determined that;
- I needed to tell my mom. Keeping it from her was causing her to have a consequence and not know why.
- I needed to respond to the text. I needed to place clear boundaries in this text.
So when I got home I wrote a long email to my mother, including a screenshot of every text, along with my feelings etc. I also replied to the text and set clear boundaries about what was up for discussion and what wasn’t.
However, after I hit send to my mom, I realized her birthday is tomorrow and that it might ruin her day. I felt incredibly guilty so I called her and asked her not to read the email until Saturday she promised she wouldn’t- but I texted her later- after my sister said mom would totally read it. And she had. She said not knowing would have ruined her day.
I don’t know how this will all play out. I hope it doesn’t ruin any relationships, because I will feel guilty – even though my therapist tells me that if it does ruin any relationships it’s on them and it’s not my fault. I wasn’t the one who sent a completely out of line text, I was the one that was hurt.
I am feeling horrible about the whole thing. I thought I would feel better if I told my mom, and sent the text, but I guess with my mom not responding right away (she said she will respond at some point), there’s no resolution and that’s what I am looking for.
PollyAnna asked what resolution would look like- good question- I think to me it would be no unomfortableness when we are together, that my children would never find out this person’s feelings, and that no relationships are hurt beyond repair. I don’t know- maybe I am being too PollyAnna in my view of how this will turn out. Unfortunately, my OCD cyclical thinking is not letting me think of anything else, but all the different ways this could turn out. I do know resolution would include my mother telling me I am a good mom.
That is one thing I have to give my father credit about- he has ALWAYS praised my parenting. Telling me how good of a mother I am, that not many moms would do all the things I do. That my kids are getting a better education from me than they could at public school.
I am not sure why there are so many people in my life that think homeschooling is an inferior form of schooling. We belong to a huge homeschooling community – out co op alone has 57 children in it. And we do field trips, we study the required subjects as well as the ability to study things that the children are interested in. We also get to control who they spend their time with, and keep bullying at bay. Then they take martial arts, music lessons…. they are not deprived.
I don’t get it. Well at least for the last paragraph I stopped thinking about what is running through my mom’s mind… but I am back at it…..