As I sit here with my steaming cup of tea and my comfy sweatshirt and afghan, since it’s starting to get chilly here at night (chilly by my standards it’s 59 degrees F/15 degrees Celsius hubby would say it’s gorgeous), I have been thinking about “Mom Guilt”. All the women reading this that are moms know what I mean.
It’s that nagging feeling that you are doing everything wrong, that you could be (or should be) doing XY or Z better. Or when something goes wrong or our kid does something we aren’t proud of we blame ourselves. When they are falling behind, or can’t master a skill we blame ourselves. Their failures are because of us, and their successes are pure luck it seems.
I was thinking about that in terms of little one’s eye issues. I have spent the past 2 years berating myself that she still wasn’t able to recognize all her upper and lower case letters, couldn’t write them all, couldn’t read. Some people told me, “she’s still young, give her time”, others urged public school was the answer. But I listened to my gut, I worked, I tried, I cried, I blamed myself, then I got an OT eval, got the eye referral, and got answers. And surprise surprise it’s not my fault. I don’t have to feel guilty that my almost 7 year old can’t read. That she struggles with writing and recognizing letters. This condition also effects behavior, so that’s not all my fault either.
It’s so freeing to know it’s not my fault, that there is nothing I could have done to prevent it, and there is a fix. I feel like one of the elephants have removed themselves from my chest. I feel vindicated, because this issue would not have been picked up at a public school eye screening, most school OT programs, and not even at her regular eye doctor exam. This was found because I followed my gut that there was something to this, and I persisted. I don’t need to feel guilt, I need to feel success. I need to feel confidence in my abilities and my decisions. I need to stop letting others opinions on my abilities, my parenting and my decisions make me waver in what I know is best for my children.
Even in my “altered” mental health I still know what’s best for my children, and I love them, and have more stake in their future than any other person- save themselves and their father- in the world.
We moms need to ban together, and ban mom guilt. It’s the whisper of Satan in our ear. Our enemy wants us to doubt ourselves. He wants us to doubt our abilities, our standing as daughters of The King. We need to stand firm in His word and His promises. He lent us the children we have because we are the best woman to do the job for the children He has sent, we need to remember that, and own that.
***I am feeling a bit of confidence tonight so I decided to write this to remind myself of it the next time I doubt my decisions, my standing in Christ, my abilities, my decisions and when I let Mom Guilt creep in again***