Things were brighter for a couple days…

This Friday, Saturday and Sunday weren’t too bad.  Emotionally speaking I was somewhat stable- though I did nap on both Saturday and Sunday. But today, Monday, it’s back to real-life, which means back to real feelings.  I don’t even really get the difference- except that we had school today.  So maybe it’s getting back into the routine of homeschooling that’s making things so rough.  But little one hit a wall at noon time with Daddy, and Big One is having his fit now.  I am in my room on a very important call and I can hear him screaming through the floor. Anyone who thinks that homeschooling is easy – immediately let that thought out of your head.  But they aren’t even arguing about work- they are arguing about his 20 minute activity with his sister.  It’s a 20 minute span of time where she gets to choose a (from a prior approved and discussed list so that he doesn’t have to play dolls, or dress-up), where she is in control of the activity and gets to make the choices.  This is to 1. give them some time together- supervised because she always wants to play with her big brother and 2. for him to have to learn to play how other people want to play and not always direct the activity/environment. He HATES this.  I am actually glad I am on the phone in my room doing an over the phone meeting, rather than deal with his screaming. Raising children with disabilities is hard. Raising kids period is HARD. So when PollyAnna asks me this week why I wanted to nap I am going to have to be honest and say so that I didn’t have to parent. Yes, that sounds terrible. But it’s true. Somedays I just can’t handle life, and I really can’t handle the hard, so once school is done, I clock out.  And I rest.  Homeschooling is worth it, and its especially evident by seeing that little one hits a wall at noon.  And Big One can’t stay on task for more than 5- MAYBE 10 minutes.

And it might sound awful but I am glad hubby is out of work.  It takes some of the pressure off of me.  We can share the homeschooling.

Big One’s worker told me today that she isn’t going to be able to fulfill all her hours this fall. He’s supposed to get 20 hours a week, she will be able to do 15 max.  I had to make the tough choice- do we find a worker that can do 20 hours, or keep her at 15 and hope that next semester she can do the 20? It’s also in the back of my head that she’s going to get overwhelmed with her schedule and not be able to do that either. We will have to see what happens.  I trust that God has a plan in all of this.

Well, off the important phone meeting now I head down and have a meeting with big one, big one’s worker, the scheduling supervisor and the field supervisor.  Wheee fun. And tomorrow it’s another trip to the big city, this time for fun, but still another 2 hours each way in the car…….

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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