So today was PollyAnna day. It had already been a crappy day we found out that Big One needs glasses and he was NOT happy. Then both kids had med management appointments, they tweaked both kids’ meds- big one is getting something that will help with his high anxiety, and little one is getting a long acting version of a med she’s already taking so that we ALL can have some sleep since little one comes in our bed every night at 2am.
After their med appointments I met with PollyAnna, she is a typical counselor who answers a question with a question and never spoon feeds you ANYTHING. This week we talked a lot about 1. avoidance….. how I was even avoiding her questions to the point that I didn’t remember the question. 2. Why I feel like everyone’ s happiness, success, sadness and failures fall on my head, that I don’t have that kind of control and 3. change. Do I really WANT to change and what am I willing to do to change.
Im supposed to think about that this week.
- Do I want to/am I ready to change?
- What am I willing to do to change?
I asked her change what? What part? There’s much to change… and she said “how can I tell you what to change first?” Im like you are NO HELP.
And then what am I willing to do? I have no idea how to change, Ive been this way my whole life and so how would I know how to change. If I knew how to change I would have done that already. How am I supposed to answer these questions if I don’t even know where to begin. So confusing. So hard.