The apathy I have been feeling for a couple weeks is gone and now I waffle between angry, frustrated and downright sad- or whats a worse word for sad?
Today at church today the Pastor was reading calls from people to their loved ones on 9/11 and I had tears streaming down my cheeks and I don’t cry in public, heck I don’t cry much at all. Hubby held my hand and that was a really sweet gesture, it made me feel loved and protected.
We got home from church and I was irritated and sad so I set my alarm for 1 hour for a nap and apparently it went off and I just shut it off and slept another hour- I now owe PollyAnna 9 coloring sheets. Awesome. It sucks to be punished for doing something you enjoy most.
My kids have been fighting and sniping at each other all day. It’s a rainy chilly day so that means no outside time and they are stir crazy.
Big one is telling me how I should be parenting little one I said fine, if you can do it better, go ahead parent her.
I am so tired of everyone telling me what to do, what not to do, how to feel, how not to feel. How to express myself and how not to. I feel trapped. This blog is the only place I feel like I can truly say anything on my heart and no one will contradict me, or placate me, or tell me my feelings are wrong…
It’s been almost a year since my breakdown, and I am no closer to being better than the day it happened. I am so tired of pretending everything is fine. Im back to telling people “good” when they ask how I am. Ive figured out the truth no one really wants to know. I don’t want to be around anyone, I just want to stay at home watching TV, sleeping and listening to audio books. But unfortunately expectations make this impossible. Being an adult sucks.