What to write….

Im wasting another day with my kids.  Im letting big one do his work independently while hubby took little one to OT.  I sat in my chair watching a movie,  and to be honest feeling sorry for myself. I have been so depressed lately.  And it seems like life just keeps throwing curveballs into my life.

In June I always go away for a girls weekend, my friend and I stay near the beach, we go to a used curriculum sale, and then to my place- Ikea. But this year June didn’t work because of my surgery.  We rescheduled for October because that was the next time we could make it work, and now she’s had to change it again. Once we had the date set I got a text her husband would be away so she has to see if her MIL can take her kids.   I am about ready to just say this trip is jinxed and we shouldn’t go.  And I can’t help but wonder if she doesn’t want to go with me. She hasn’t been talking to me as much, and I wonder if she’s sick of me.  I don’t know what to do.  Normally I would just pull away and  our friendship would fizzle out but I don’t want to lose her.

In addition hubby and the kids will be going away for a couple days soon, leaving me home all alone.  I am scared to death.  Sure I have 3 huge dogs, and. I live in a safe neighborhood in the country suburbs, but still.   I have been trying to get someone to stay over with me because my paranoia and OCD make it hard for me to be alone.  One friend could stay one night but no one else so far can stay the other 2 nights. I went so far as to as. my MOM- I never ask her for favors because she always says no.  And surprise surprise she said no.

Oh well I have to end the pity party here time for PT.

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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