875 cuts on my arms. Plus “NO 175” carved on the soft inner skin of my right arm. 175 2 Times on my right arm and 175 3 Times on my left. One set of 175 to count the number of days little one has school. 1 set wasn’t enough. 2 wasn’t either. I had to keep going like a compulsion until the outer pain trumped the inner. But it doesn’t really. My heart hurts tonight.
Little one is so excited. She can barely contain herself. Im happy for her- she’ll never know how much I hurt tonight.
I hope my husband doesn’t hate me…. he hates it when I hurt myself.