I haven’t been around much lately, I have been going to more doctors than I care to admit. I think I mentioned I sprained my ankle last week falling off a step ladder, well this isn’t an isolated incident I have been having balance issues since my hip surgery. So now that my right ankle is sprained my left hip (surgical hip) is taking all the weight and it can’t handle it… it’s not strong enough. And to make matters worse they think my right hip has the same issue my left did, but we can’t do surgery until I “have a leg to stand on” basically. So they are referring me back to the doctor I first saw at their practice and he will manage me non surgically and then when things are straightened out we will reevaluate surgery on my right hip. Hello cortisone injections. What I really really want is some Percocet and sleep for a week.
I also saw the dr about the ECT. And I was all set to start Monday but I really felt like I didn’t have any support in this – friends telling me to pray it away, well-meaning people telling me it’s awfully invasive. So I met with Mary Poppins and I decided to up my current meds, cancel the ECT and go from there. After that I met with PollyAnna, which did I mention she’s leaving and now I am stuck finding a new therapist. Hello abandonment issues I haven’t seen you in a while I missed you. And I came to the conclusion while talking to her I want someone to tell me to do the ECT. And I felt like I needed support that I wasn’t getting. And I thought hubby was against it, when it turns out he’s only against maintenance ECT. So I called the place back and we will do itthe 2nd’ or 3rd week of November.
But now for the reason for this post. I have lost my critical thinking skills as well as my executive functioning skills. My sister pointed it out, and my hubby agrees. I am slowly losing all the things that make me ME. It’s like I am Michael J Fox on Back to the Future an I am beig erased from the picure….
And finally a changed diagnosis and a new one? I recently had a treatment plan and when I compared it to my last one Mary Poppins changed Major Depressive disorder recurrent episode moderate toMajor Depressive disorder recurrent episode severe. Awesome. Getting worse not better. She also put ruling out unspecified personality disorder. Awesome. That’s not something mananged with meds, that’s the fiber of your being – who you are. How do I deal with that. Im thinking I am dependent personality disorder though I do meet some of the criteria for Borderline. Either way I am sick to death of not getting better but getting worse and worse.
Next time maybe I will talk about how I feel about PollyAnna leaving and the search for a new therapist.