I have really been neglecting my blog lately. I just feel like I don’t have anything new to say. Life marches on, passes me by while I waste time at dr appointments, napping, or just letting the time pass.
I think I mentioned that PollyAnna is leaving. I need to find a new therapist – which is going to be hard for me, I don’t like change, I don’t like transitions and finding someone else to pour my heart out to, to get vulnerable with is going to be hard. Today I “interviewed” the one in the office next to PollyAnna, she seemed ok, but she is not a Christian. Now before you all jump down my throat the reason I asked her this is that I really think that in order to get better I have to draw closer to God, and I think I need a counselor who will ground his/her foundation on the THE foundation, THE cornerstone- Jesus. It was interesting because I told her that I prefer to be called by my nickname and not my given name. And at the end of our session PollyAnna said in all our sessions, never once did you ever tell me you prefer to be called by your nickname. I found it curious and interesting because I usually lead with that because I am not a huge fan of my “real” name.
I am working on the national novel writing month, and I met day 1 goal but I hate the story, and the writing so I am going to have to start over. Which intimidates me and makes me upset.
Also I realized something else about myself, I am a slave to routine, to my calendar and to what is planned. Yesterday I was supposed to get my hair cut but my stylist was out sick with walking pneumonia and I freaked out, I HAD to get my hair cut yesterday, it was on the schedule I had to do it. PollyAnna says that’s my OCD, whatever it is, I never realized how bad it was.
Yesterday Big One asked me if I was going to go along with my deal, I said what deal? He said that you can’t listen to Christmas music until November 1. I hadn’t even remembered that deal, and I had and still have no desire to listen to the music (heck I forgot about trick or treat till my kids reminded me. It makes me sad that I haven’t started my tradition. I am usually Christmas obsessed, but this depression has taken that from me too. It’s taking parts of my personality one little bit at a time.
Well have to get my monsters off to bed so I better go but I will write again soon.