I’m lonely, I have no purpose, and I’m grinchy this year. 

Honestly the title says it all. I feel really lonely since the kids of gone back to school even though hubby is home he really I don’t know he just putters away at little things that need to be done.  

Since the kids of gone back to school I have no purpose no cause, for five years my career my everything was put in to educating them and suddenly I find I don’t know who I am without the labels that I had.

Today was Pollyannas last day, I decided to try out the therapist in the room next-door simply out of convenience and out of the fact that I wouldn’t have to step out of my comfort zone to search for one out of the facility. This was the first timeSince I can remember actually saying goodbye to somebody. I avoid it like the plague. When someone dies they just never existed or I just haven’t seen them for a while. But today I actually had to say goodbye and my heart is broken and I don’t even know why I didn’t like her that much I mean liked her well enough but I’m just not sure that we made any progress in in a year. I don’t like this closure thing and I’ve decided I don’t want to do it again. It sucks.

Today is November 7 usually by now has been a week of Christmas music blasting in my house 24/7.  I just can’t get into the mood this year my mom says put it on and I’ll get in the mood but there’s something holding me back I’m not sure what it is maybe it’s that I don’t want to not feel in the mood and listen to it because it’ll ruin it I don’t know I don’t know much Of anything these days. I wish the ECT people had called me back maybe that would’ve helped. Tomorrow I go and see about my two sprained ankle‘s and too bad hips and I’m convinced that they’re going to think I’m a hypochondriac but I’m not and physically in pain but they’re probably just going to tell me there’s nothing they can do I’m so tired of hearing that from doctors. I’m so tired of a lot of things. Like I have this new anxiety symptoms he comes on when I’m really upset or nervous and just feels like I just licked a 9 V battery now don’t tell me you never did that As a kid but it’s very unnerving when you didn’t like the battery in your body does that.

In case you Hadn’t noticed I feel like life is sucking pretty bad and when I had my yearly review at my med doctor and psychologists office today angle assessment she asked me how the past year was and I said it sucked and I gave her all the reasons that it sucked and it reminded me of how much my life sucks right now.

I guess That’s all for today I don’t really have much more to contribut.

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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