I have been trying, to no avail, to distract myself from my own brain. I am still on a Facebook fast so I have been posting more on instagram, and pinning a ton of things about mental health, inspirational quotes and my newest obsession bullet journaling. Now don’t mistake pinning for actually doing it. I bought the journal, I have almost a hundred pins about it, but I have yet to touch pen or pencil to the paper. I have a hard time starting things. like when I go to a paint night, the hardest part for me is first brush stroke.
I am hoping that I will be ale to get the courage to actually start the journal, or at least get a sketch for the new year ready. But I don’t know. I can’t make decisions, ad my anxiety is so bad sometimes I can’t breath. I feel like little electrical jolts in my brain when I am having these attacks.
Hubby got a call that his Aunt had died unexpectedly. And I had no affect, no emotion. I was neither sad nor upset. Of all his aunts she’s the one I was closest to. She and I used to exchange letters. But still nothing. Why is it that I have no affect? No emotional reaction to death? This can’t be normal.