Big one is 15. He is argumentative, oppositional, irritable and I am sure there are at least 15 more adjectives. And yes, all of that is “normal” teenage behavior- but add the Autism Spectrum, bipolar disorder, ADHD, anxiety and possible narcissistic personality. It’s teenager amplified.
Ive been trying to help him get ready for camp. He was leaving today. He wanted to bring half his stuff in random Walmart bags. He has ZERO executive functioning skills, and he refused to let me even make suggestions without getting angry and screaming at me (at the top of his lungs- I feel like he’s 8 again. (our worst year to date)).
We definitely are not getting along lately…. yet I am the one in his corner. I am the one making the cog wheels move so that he gets the help he needs, with the “least restrictive environment”.
But there are days I look at him, and I wonder what happened to my baby? I think back to the day I found out I was pregnant with him, after failed clomid, attempts, failed IUI attempts, and 2 in-vitro cycles, how happy I was. And when he was born, the struggles with his seizures, the struggle with developmental delays, giving him EVERYTHING I had. Driving him 80 miles 2x a week for OT, finding him every therapy we could get. I think about the year he was 8. The year he was violent, angry, physically abusive to me. And I feel like I earned a little bit easier teenage years. After all, we have his meds right, we have had therapy in place long enough. I just want peace. I want to remember these last few years as a teenager fondly, not with sadness, and regret.
My kids mean everything to me. They are my legacy, they are my best accomplishments, they are the best of me. They SHINE in every way I don’t. I gave them all my shine.
Maybe this is how all moms feel during the teenage years. But this is my first time being there, it hurts, and honestly PLEASE don’t tell me it’s all normal, I KNOW that in my head, but it’s my heart that hurts, and that will only get better with time.