The irony is not lost on me that this is the shirt I wore today, while I was eating an entire package of eclairs
It’s really hard to find time to make a post when I am not on Percocet and when I am, don’t expect a post- because my eyes can’t focus and I am loopy as heck.
I just took a perc so I am not sure how long ill make this one. I had to go to the ortho doc today to have an X-ray so that they could check my ankle. He doesn’t think that it’s broken though the radiologist will look at it to be sure. But he thinks it’s a bad sprain that I didn’t take care of for 5 weeks and then they pulled and yanked on it and made it worse. So now I have a brace on my ankle and my hip. Im a mess.
And then there are the additions to our household-
So now I have a tricked out wheelchair with the cupholder in the bike bag and an old person grammar because I’m not allowed to bend over I feel about 90 years old most days and I send a lot of time at physical therapy, next week I get to go have my consultation to when they’re going to do my carpal tunnel surgery hopefully by the time I’m 40 I’ll be a brand-new person….
The one benefit of all of this is that while I’m on Percocet I am not depressed or having Anxiy… I said to my husband that I can see how easy it would be to get addicted to these medications because you really just don’t care and it feels really really really good.
Its Saturday morning, and I still don’t feel like the anesthesia has worn off and I can’t focus my eyes on the screen to type. So it will be another day or two, at the least, before an update. I just have so much to tell you all about the surgery. What was wrong and even post some pics. But until this anesthesia has worn off, and I can see, it’ll have to wait.
Talk to you all soon.
I have been thinking about going public, public in that I share this blog with people in my life. But I’m just not sure how ready I am for those closest to me to know exactly what’s going on with me, exactly how bad things can get.
But sometimes I feel like a fraud. I feel like I share all of this messy life with all of you – people I don’t know – with many of the people who love me the most in the dark…. do they even WANT to know??
I just don’t know.
There is a blog I read that I really like. The author usually has very profound thoughts, especially of the spiritual variety. But last night I read one, and it quite literally pierced through my heart.
I think it’s a statement of truth, to some extent, but at the same time it rips my heart out, and rips it to shreds to use the same metaphor the post uses. I really wish I could just rid myself of this anxiety, depression etc. But man sometimes God shows you a message He knows will convict you to the core!
I have so many things running through my mind today. I am still running on a “high” from hubby being saved. That will be with me for a long time. I am having a hard time being “sad” knowing that he will be in eternity with me. And I know that he would never had been saved had we not started going to the church we are at.
But I am still very irritable today. I ended up sending my little one to respite. I was an idiot last night and accidentally gave her her ADHD meds before bed instead of her nighttime meds. She was up ALL NIGHT. She woke me up a couple times. And so I am irritable.
I am so mad at myself for making the mistake. How could I do such a thing, so mad. Sometimes I am such an idiot! I am just so tired and “out of it” lately and now I am making mistakes. I don’t like that. Thankfully she missed 2 doses of ADHD pills yesterday so she didn’t OD on ADHD meds.
But I can’t stand making mistakes. As we discussed earlier it makes me feel like a “fool” a “zero”.
Hubby is picking up big one from his long weekend so I guess I will nap…. or maybe not sounds like he’s home….
I had my preop appointment today. Some of it I expected, some I didn’t. I didn’t expect to have to wear these pigeon toe booties to sleep in for 2-3 weeks after surgery. I have to have a tube down my throat while I am in surgery. I can’t drive for 3 weeks, it’ll be 6 months before I can do any sort of exercise, for 3 months I can’t bend, squat, crawl or kneel. I can’t stand for any prolonged period of time for 2-3 months.
This surgery is a lot more involved than I expected, but I am still not regretting it. I want my life back. I want this pain to stop. He plans to fix the tear in the labrum, the impingement (Hip impingement, also known as femoroacetabular impingement (FAI), is a condition in which there is abnormal and wearing contact between the ball and socket of the hip joint. The result is increased friction during hip movements that may damage the joint.) As well as a lengthening of the psoas tendon (It is encompassed within the spectrum of snapping hip syndrome . Iliopsoas tendinitis can be a cause of the less common, internal snapping hip syndrome . … One operation involves lengthening the psoas muscle tendon accomplished by the step cutting of the tendinous portion of the iliopsoas ). Sounds like a lot of fun, at least I will have percocet for pain.
Once this recover is done, I will be going for the carpal tunnel surgery. I am planning on trying to get my life in order before I turn 40, my dad is 57 years old, he’s back in the hospital with a clot in the fissula that allows him to get dialysis, and he’s facing another amputation this time of one of his fingers. I want something different for my life.
I am exhausted, it’s been a very long day, my anxiety has been through the roof, and I have been feeling dizzy and off all day. I had to take 2 showers today because of my OCD…. So just a short post tonight.