It’s been a while I know. I probably don’t even have any followers anymore. So…
Where have I been?
The past couple months I have been really focused on therapy. I have been seeing Princess Glitter Sparkle 1 hour a week for individual therapy, and 2 hours a week for group DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). It has been good for me. First, she is THE BOMB of therapists. Best one I have ever had. She is REAL, she is funny, she gets my humor, we laugh together, she’s gotten me to open up about stuff that’s hard. She’s quirky and washes her hands a lot, so she’s a real person. So all in all she’s awesome. And I am so blessed to have found her.
I have also been reading a lot. I have been both reading and listening to audiobooks like crazy. My goal for the year was 52 books, I have read 33 so far and am currently reading 4 more. Reading helps me escape. But not just into my own head, but into a story, that for the most part makes me feel good (I try not to read sad things but there was one recently that had me in tears- but good tears).
Did I talk about Fat Camp (medical weight management)? In case I didn’t- the dr was awesome. She was nice, and listened to everything I had to say. She was empathic and just nice- even if she was 15 pounds soaking wet, abut 9 feet tall, and looked like she was from Sweden. I met with the dietician, and while she was great, I just don’t know if I can do what they are asking of me – 1000-1200 calories a day, no carbs, put my body in ketosis and stay there, until goal “weight” which they wouldn’t tell me the ideal because they don’t want me focusing on a number (so why do they want me to weigh in every time???)- but here’s the problem, the hospital has decided after 8 years to cut the program. So after August 24 I have no support. So….yeah… Have considered a couple other “do-it yourself” programs. Anyone have long-term success with any? Comment here and let me know. The BEST thing about the program is they have this neat machine that you hook up to and breathe into for 10 minutes and it gives you your basil metobolic rate (basically how many calories you burn at rest) 1796 BTW.
I haven’t been leaving the house much. Even prior to my surgery (will get to that in a minute). I admit, I am not leaving the house much. Only to things I ABSOLUTELY have to do- therapy, appointments for the kiddos etc.
I had surgery a couple weeks ago, the same surgery I had last summer on my left hip but this time on my right hip. This time recovery hasn’t gone as smoothly.
- During recovery I stopped breathing several times – this has never happened before, so they think I have apnea and I am waiting on a sleep study. Fun. It really solidified in my mind how big I am getting and the fact that I really need to do something about it.
- I developed DVT (deep vein thrombosis – a blood clot) in my surgical leg just under a week after surgery. Thankfully hubby and I were paying attention to the signs, got to the dr and got treatment. I will be on blood thinners for 6 months and I should be fine (though at increased risk for DVT again). I was lucky the clot was below my knee (felt like a Charlie horse in my calf) because its much rarer for those to break up and go to the brain/lungs/heart. So thank God for that.
In Other news:
- I am still napping a lot- but is it escapism or because Im not sleeping well because of apnea (I wake up so tired, but I also can’t fall asleep at night) I think I have messed with my internal clock.
2. In general, I am feeling a bit better about life. I am not so down, and depressed. I don’t know when it happened, just one day I was like- “huh, doesn’t suck so bad today”. That’s not to say I am 100% awesome everyday, most days I don’t think that everything sucks.
3. Anxiety, OCD, and irritability are all in full swing. But I can’t expect that they will go away anytime soon, and I guess that’s ok.
Mental Health Summary: Not everything sucks. Still trying to isolate myself. But things aren’t quite as bad as they were.
Everything else: Day by day.
So there you have it. Until next time (which I hope won’t be as long).