The title is a line spoken in a prime-time FOX show called Lucifer. Im not going to get into the details of the show, if you are interested, google it. It really is a good show. However, Lucifer- the devil, has this power where he can look someone in the eye ask them that question and he will find out the true desires of their heart.
I need a little of that. I was thinking while I was on a walk yesterday…. I’m unhappy. I am not content. I am sad/angry/anxious/depressed; BUT what would it take for me to change those feelings? What is it that I want? What will make me happy, or at the very least “content”?
I feel as though my some of my circumstances are out of my control- our precarious financial situation for one. The daily stress of one kid on the autism spectrum (albeit high functioning) , ADHD, with bipolar, anxiety and sensory processing disorder, and the other ADHD, anxiety and quite possibly ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). I can’t change that. I can’t change that my husband is sick and can’t work, which leads to the financial insecurity; a vicious circle. There are so many other factors in my life that I feel like are obstacles to happiness/contentment. But then- is there a way to be happy/content with the current situation? Im doubtful – how can you be content when you’re insecure about the future because of finances, because of your own mental illness, because of your husband’s illness?
So I ask again- what is it I truly desire?
Answer: I have no earthly idea.