I am a Christian woman, married to my high school sweetheart, with two beautiful children. Life should be perfect right? My life is far from it, my friend.
I have several mental health diagnoses Major Depressive Disorder -moderate and so far treatment resistant, generalized Anxiety disorder-severe, OCD and PTSD. That’s a mouthful. I grew up in an abusive environment, was bullied at school and flirted with self-harm a few times in my life.
I’ve always had an eating disorder of one kind or another. Overeating, compulsive overeating, anorexia in high school. I punish myself with food- withholding it when I feel I’ve been bad. Sometimes the empty feeling in my stomach is a comfort from the storms raging elsewhere inside me.
My husband, has been sick for three years with a Lyme like illness, maybe or maybe fibromyalgia, or maybe autoimmune. No one can seem to figure it out. He recently got a severe herniation of his L5S1 vertebrae. Owning a small business this poses a big problem. So he closed it in April 2017, and has been out of work since then.
My kids, gorgeous, brilliant and both have their own struggles. Big one has High functioning autism, bipolar disorder, ADHD and like his mom Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Little one “only” has ADHD that we know of right now, but she’s young and there’s time to see if anything else rears its head.
This blog is less of a story, or a chronicle of my life, and more of a running thought consciousness of what is going through my head. Partly so that I can remember how I am feeling right now, so that hopefully I can see how far I’ve come when I get past this dark place, and also so that hopefully I can let the thoughts out of my head and stop obsessing over them because my brain doesn’t stop.
I make no apologies for what I post here. I’m trying to make it as anonymous as possible as to protect the innocent and the guilty, but this is my story to tell, and I feel the need to tell it. I don’t want pity or attention I want to get it out of my head, I want to get better and maybe someday my stories can help someone else through their own dark times.
The Things We Hide Inside 