My pastor just started a sermon series called “Now What?”. Now that Easter is over, and Christ is risen, now what. Well the point is that, we, as followers of Christ as to go and spread the Good News all over the world and make disciples of all the nations. Truth. And sure as rain I need to be better about spreading the Good News. I try my best to live the life of a Christian, but I need to not just walk the walk I need to talk the talk.
But on another level, when he started speaking on Sunday I felt another pull in my soul. Another prompting from God, that question again, “now what”, “what are you going to do now?” It seems inescapable. It is haunting me. It follows me everywhere. “Now what?”
I’m afraid. Now is scary. The future is scary but I don’t ever have to live there, and the past was scary but I don’t have to be there again, I only have to relive it in my head. The now is the scariest of all, because, well, it’s now. It’s inescapable. It requires commitment. It leaves room for failure, for mistakes, for heartbreak.
My fingers keep hovering on the verge of what I want to say. What my brain wants to type. What I *think* I want to do, but don’t dare. What I don’t know if I have the courage to do. What I don’t know if I have the talent or ability to do.
What if I fail?
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What if I don’t?