My little one is sick. Her fever was 103.6 tonight. Her little lips were all red and chapped looking. She was lethargic (which for anyone who knows my spitfire is NOT normal). She sat with Daddy dozing on and off all evening. It’s 11:23pm. We finally tucked her in for the night. I sit here at my computer after washing my hands for about the billionth time today (they are bleeding and burn) And my anxiety kicks in…. I sit here worried that her fever will spike in the night and I won’t know. What if she has a seizure? (She never has but still) What if she really needs me? What if something bad happens… something too scary to name…. So the anxiety in me wants to make up a bed on her floor, or crawl into bed with her and sleep, and then my OCD chimes in and says WOAH WOAH WOAH slow down there anxiety train you are not doing that. Do you know what germs you could be exposing us to? What if she has strep? Influenza? Or any one of another million other horrific diseases????? Then anxiety fights back with oh yeah well if something bad happens, then it’s all your fault and you will feel guilty forever and ever… did you SEE the episode of good doctor the other day? The mom? the car accident? She will feel guilty forever! OCD fires back… the GERMS…….
Oh the fights in my head……
The Things We Hide Inside 