Blindsided….or maybe hit head on by an 18 wheeler.

Today I was blindsided, actually…on our honeymoon we were in a car accident, not just a minor fender bender but an honest to goodness head on with an 18 wheel pump truck in the Caribbean. Way to start a marriage…. but that’s a story for another day.

What happened today felt more like that.  I remember the sound of the crash, the feeling of the impact, my face knocking off the rearview mirror and then crashing through the glass of the windshield leaving a head sized hole in front of my husband, because we weren’t quite HEAD on, I remember the pain, the fear that my new husband was dead because it took a couple seconds for him to respond and I remember the feeling of the glass in my face.  I remember the feeling of being stitched up with no novocaine.  That’s what today felt like.

I was doing what I was supposed to do, avoiding a nap, by folding the laundry that had accumulated when all of a sudden I got a series of text messages in a row from a family member.  I still haven’t been able to read them all, the content of the first couple had buzz words that made me sick to my stomach, so much so I thought I would vomit. The last text said hate me if you want, but I am still your (family member).  I replied back I didn’t hate the person, no matter what they said, but that it was a lot to process, and Id respond later.

But honestly I don’t know how to respond. From what I did read- I’ve ruined my oldest by medicating his bipolar disorder, by allowing him to be like kids his age and play video games (on a limited basis), and I’m on the way to ruining my youngest because I am medicating her ADHD/Anxiety. Something about not going public places with my kids because they’re on drugs.  Now let me stop here and mention the person that sent this makes edibles, tinctures, and smokes pot all day long. Drugs? Pot meet kettle.  The difference is mine are prescribed by doctors with years of training in the area of child psychology, occupational therapy, and counseling.

I feel like I was hit by a Mac truck. I feel physical pain. My gut reaction is cut ties. That’s my gut reaction to everything-flee and avoid.  But I’m not sure that will be possible in this situation.  But at the same time how can I continue a relationship looking this person in the eye for the rest of their life knowing how they feel.  Because no matter how much education I provided, no matter how many letters from my kids’ doctors I provided nothing would change their mind.  There’s no hope for compromise.

The only two options  I see is to reply back that if we are going to continue a relationship this topic will be off the table – permanently.  Or cut ties.  Cutting ties would hurt my children, they love this person, but how can I sit there looking at them in the eye knowing how they feel?  Except I would have to doit for my children.  I need to pray on this. Seriously pray.

Author: thethingswehideinside

Im an almost 40 year old mom struggling through this life with two children, a husband, a houseful of animals. We all have mental or physical challenges that make daily life even harder, this is our journey.

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